Learn To Speak "Rude Boy"

Yo Yo Yo Yo Yo

My name is Rodney and today I am gonna teach you to speak in my own 'Rudeboy' language. For anybody that dosen't know what a Rudeboy is check Exhibit A - THE SO SOLID CREW or alternatively, to see a 'Rudeboy' up close just go out on a Friday or Saturday night and look for a group of youths at a bus stop or crammed into the back of a Vauxhall Nova, wearing lots of sports wear and baseball caps at a right angle.

If the crap haircuts and over sized 'Rudewear' isn't enough to make you look and feel like an utter prick, then my homemade 'Rudetalk' will surely be the missing piece for your puzzle.

From studying the species 'Rudus Boyous' I have been able to construct my own 'Rude' language in which I can confuse innocent citizens with before I mug, or blapse them up. Booka.

Here are a couple of words and phrases to get you started......

WHEAT - One of your mates. This stems from the word Brederin. I chose WHEAT because you need WHEAT to make the BRED in BREDERIN.

LOCKED - A person you can trust. This comes from the word SAFE. A SAFE SAFE is always LOCKED if it is actually SAFE.

FLANGE/FLANGIN/FLANGEBOY(or girl) - Joke/Joking/Joker. This comes from the fact that FLANGE is a funny word.

JECT/JECTIN - An Inuslt. This comes from the word REJECT. JECT, to REJECT, or insult.

BUUF - £1, pronounced as A BUUF. Again, just a funny word.

UF - 50p. UF is half of a BUUF

F - 25p. F is half an UF and a quarter of a BUUF, so it is therefore 25p. Duh.

BUFF - Food. This comes from the word BUFFET. This has given birth to the phrase, 'more BUFF for your BUUF'. Which means, 'more food for you money', or a good value meal.

DOLLIS HILL - The bank. I was going past DOLLIS HIL tube station when this came into play. Don't ask why.

WRECK - To beat up or to fight. WRECK in basic English means to destroy, so you can work my reasoning out for yourself.

STATE - Your hood, ghetto. This comes from the word ESTATE. Us St.Albans ponces live on estates so by calling them STATE's we sound more badass.

SWIFE/SWIFER - To steal/Robber. SWIFE is the actual sound that is made when someone quickly nicks your wallet. I kid you not.

YEASTY - Manky. YEAST ain't nice, especially when it comes out of you body. So YEASTY is an obvious choice for a word to mean disgusting.

SLAP - Your Girlfriend/Bitch/Ho. This stems from the word SLAPPER. Thge worst insult to ones girlfriend, in my language, is YEASTY SLAP. This means manky bitch.

DALE/DALER/DALEIN - Gay/A Gay man/Being Gay. This is due to DALE WINTON being the first big poofter I could think of when thinking of a name for general camp behaviour or the act of man love.

GAUNT - The offer of a fight. If your GAUNT is on the floor you want a WRECK or fight. If your gaunt is on your hand then you are FLANGIN or joking. This comes from the medieval tradition of throwing down the gauntlet. I thought I'd add some culture to my language, so you'd all learn something.

LOCKETS - Music. This comes from the fact that LOCKETS are cough sweets, and so too are TUNES. TUNES is another word for MUSIC, so therefore LOCKETS means music too. Have that you sweats.

NOVA - Car. This is due to the Vauxhall NOVA ebing the pinnacle of rudeboy transport. So how better to honour the sacred motor by naming the general word for car after it.

NICK O's - Cigarettes. NICOTINE is in cigarettes. Figure the rest out genius.

I can't think of anymore now, but hopefully with the basics of this super complex language, you too can be as 'Rude' as I am and as Bad a man. Hopefully Ken will right something funnier next month, but at least I can say my piece was funnier than Toms. Eat that Wolf-man!