McBen Explains It All

Well the band probably want me to write about me sticking things up my arse. Well basicly this all generated from the infamous 'A' tour. Throughout my little scrallings I'm going to explain a few things.

Right it all went wrong when it was time to play Nottingham Rock City. One of the best venues in the country but with the worst crowds ever unless your a established band. Anyway earlier on in the van that day on the way to the gig we some how we got on to our favourite subject anal sex. I must declare that when this was mention Rodney , Tom and Mr Dj Ken all squirmed at were disgusted at the very idea. But me and most excellent tour manager, sound alround father figure Tim, were saying how they should try it with some ladies. So from this conversation it was alleged that I stick my own finger up my arse whilst in the act of love (Fucking). Which you shouldn't knock it till you try it. Anyway after the gig we proceeded to get absolutely plasterd (Big up to my brother whos fault it was entirely) So there we were, after playing our worst gig ever, completey shit faced.

Now heres where it gets interesting if you havent already slipped into a coma. I got so drunk that I felt as sick as a dog. So I thought I'd find refuge in the dressing room so I layed down on some stools. The following is made up from other peoples statements as I have no recollection of the following hours all I remeber is waking up in the van outside reading services at 4 am with everyone a sleep and my trousers had been soaked (I thought id pissed myself but ken the bastard poured water down my trousers)

Back the point I was apparently gaffer tape to so stools, which I thought would be safe. And then Rodney proceed to stick a cigar case up my arse. And then apparently I tride to get up banged my head and puked my guts out on the dressing room floor. So if that wasn't all the tortue I deserved, Dan from A and some their crew decided I was a kind land mark and each had there photo taken with showing the metal sign.

So you can imagine my amazement the next day when I was informed of this. Most boring member of VD?? No. Unluckiest?? Yes. For the record since then no one in the band has matched my feet of darn right stupidity. And the final thought for you guys is I'm in a band full of light weights - Ken just needs to sniff an empty bottle of bud and hes anyones. Rod gets drunk on tea and the comsuption of white chocolate. And Tom 2 vodka and cokes and hes out of it. Thank you for your time and patience and come to our gigs, buy our records and Rodney will come to your house and live with you.

Oh and one more thing, After the tour Rodney has become obsessed with anal sex, Toms Doubting his man hood and Kens trying to find his.